seanwillson.com

i had a great weekend. i accomplished a lot of stuff at home. from cleaning the apartment to organizing all of my receipts. i think i only have one more place to clean up in my apartment and then there is nothing from the old sean left in the place. that is my closet, i have some clothes boxes and a few other things to go through there. i will give the old stuff to purple heart so at least someone can get some good use out of it.


i went out and bought 2 inspirational pictures this weekend. i hung them up in the living room where i could see them every day. they are not fitness ones because i could not find any of those but they are inspirational mentally. one is about goals and the other is about attitude.


i just about 100% finished the website this weekend. i was waiting on some help with an error that i was getting but then this morning i fixed it myself. i am hoping on having it released to the world this evening if all goes well. there is a lot of cool stuff on it and i am excited. no, i know i am not going to get a lot of hits or anything. but it is a representation of me and what i am trying to do.


i am mad at myself again, i did not exercise this morning, just like last week. yes, i will exercise this evening like i did last week but i want to do it in the morning. for some reason i just could not get out of bed. have you ever sat there thinking about something really really hard or thinking that you were doing something almost so hard that you felt like you were doing it and then woke up or stirred back into reality only to realize you are still just sitting there? that was kind of what happened this morning. next thing i knew i convinced myself that working out in the evening was fine to and i went back to sleep. i have got to fix this. i want to work out in the morning when my body will react to it better and i will get the most benefit from it. i have to reset my goals on this and start reprimanding myself for doing it somehow. i will do this damn it.


i measured myself again this weekend. i am doing it about every 2 weeks. i lost a few more inches from different parts of my body. i am down to 4 inches in my waist now. i am excited … slow but steady. i think i am on track for my 50 lb weight loss at the end of march. that is a huge goal that may be a bit out there but if i am close even i would be so excited. no, i won’t let it throw me if i don’t make it, but it is a goal that i am trying really hard to make.


i ran into an old friend on the net today. her name is tammy. i met her about … umm …. 2.5 years ago i guess on the cyberdiet forum. we chatted on there and i met her in real life. she is from canada and when i was home seeing the family a few times i went and saw her. i actually had a thing for her for a while but she had to much going on in her life and the long distance thing you know, some people are scared of it. anyhow, i was happy to hear from her so i emailed her. i hope that things are going better for her now, i know she was going through some hard times. i hate seeing friends going through that, especially when i can do nothing to help them. but, i am sure she is through it … heck she posted on the website so she has to be feeling better again. hopefully this time we can stay in touch.


chatted with my bro this weekend. christina and him are getting a condo together. they are putting the finishing touches on getting it now. i am excited for them. i know that this is something my brother has wanted for a while. and it will do them well to get some equity into something and start building a home together. they said i will have a room in it as well, but we will see … hehe … who knows how soon a little one will be popping out … hehheh. while chatting about the condo last night i guess that beths boy friend broke up with her out of the blue. she was pretty devastated so christina went to talk with her. i hope everything is alright. beth is a strong girl, sometimes i am not sure where her head is when she does things in life, but her heart is always there. her and christina are great friends. i am sure everything will work out for the best.


well i am blabbing again. i will write again soon. till next time journal, keep the memories safe.

sitting and watching the nightly news has become a painful event. watching the republican battle between bush and mccain has become a battle between cash and honor. on one side of the battle you have old money, namely bush. he used his mother and father’s name to get him into office in texas instead of using his platform, morals, and his honor. now he is using the same tactics to try and attain the highest office in the land, president. on the other side of the battle you have the military veteran, namely mccain. he is an honorable person but is approaching his campaign wrong. instead of identifying with his constituents he instead tries standing above them and preaching to them.


was politics ever an honorable event? why can we not elect leaders who are honorable. why can we not elect someone that we can look up to, that we would want our children to use as a role model. i find it hard to believe that a country as great as ours sees progress is electing imbeciles. we are embarrassing ourselves as a country.


so what would make an ideal leader? someone who stands up for their beliefs, yet is susceptible to others viewpoints. someone who is in touch with the people, knows the hardships and the joys of his constituents. someone who will support and maybe even who has defended the constitution. what we need is someone who honors the family, sees the importance of helping the poor, and above all respects and exudes honor instead greed.


so is this a reality? i don’t doubt that many of todays politicians may have started with these traits in mind, or at least they were striving toward them. so what happened? well thats a simple question to answer if your willing to open your eyes. its a simple word “greed”. the stranglehold that special interest groups have on elections is phenomenal. todays multi million dollar elections need backing and what better way to get it then sell out to a few select special interest groups. tobacco, meat & poultry, guns, banking … the list can go on and on.


so what can we do? how can this be fixed? well besides more people voting with more people doing research outside of tv, the only thing left is a free form of publicity. free if done right or cheap if done wrong. what i am talking about is the “internet”. news groups, message boards, chat areas, banners, public forums. we need a candidate who will embarrass this forum and run with it. if you look at the statistics most of the voting class in american is wired. what media is least used in politics when it offers the most benefits.


regardless of how the internet can affect an election the fact of the matter is that the united states of america is being bought. few will deny it, but even fewer will do anything about it. lets stand up as a nation and let the candidates know that our vote cannot be bought. lets choose our candidate based on their platform and their stance on the issues, or in some cases the lack of stance. i think we owe this if not to ourselves then to our children.


but that’s just my opinion, for what its worth …

hello again. how are you .. hehe … inanimate i am sure. i am great. went home this weekend. had a long car ride. listened to the bfl book on cd on the car ride again. i listen to that book a lot. i always get something out of it and it is pretty inspiring as well.


on the ride home i stopped and got my weight checked. well, i was pretty disappointed. i had underestimated what my starting weight was. i would put my starting weight around 455 or so now. my weight this weekend was 435. i was kind of miffed and disappointed. but after listing to the cd and realizing that the people that bill talked about overcame more tragedies and obstacles then this stupid weight thing i realized that i had to regroup. so mentally i talked through everything again, reset some goals and rejuvenated my spirit. one of my first goals now is to be down to 400 by the time i go home next time. this is about 6 weeks away. i know this is a pretty big goal. i know i may be off a bit but i am going to do everything in my power to make that goal. and i will make it …


i also measured myself this weekend. i have lost around 11 inches on different part of my body. i lose like 5 inches on my right thigh, 2.5 inches on my waist, and 2 inches on my chest. got to love progress. i feel great. though, this weekend the free day was a bit to free. this coming week i am going to get some more control over it. i had a bad breakfast and then ice-cream and a nice dinner but then had desert as well. arg … i was dehydrated and felt like crap on Sunday. took all day to get back into the program and get my water intake up and stuff. i felt good that day though by the time i got home. i got in around midnight. had nothing cooked for the next day and i made a big mistake taking 3 phen-free’s on the ride home. needless to say i was up all night and could not sleep hardly at all. i will never do that again.


so i decided to circle the wagons and get some stuff accomplished on monday. i did not want to fall off the program so i took the day off. i cooked, cleaned, washed clothes, groceries shopped, and picked up some other stuff i needed. basically i took care of the things i usually do on the weekend but this time on monday. i hate doing it, but it needed to be done for my sake. for my futures sake. i am not going to let anything get in my way this time to succeeding.


i talked with friends and family this weekend about what i was doing. almost everyone was supportive. mike was a bit … well … being mikey. not negative, but seemed to resist everything i talked about fitness and nutrition. bringing up how his friends failed this and that and could not stick with it. and how when i got close to where i wanted to be i would become complacent like him and stop. not exactly what i was looking for. like bill says, i need to surround myself with positive people and energy. i don’t see myself working out with him as much as i wanted to in the future, at least not until i show him that i am “doing this for life”. then there is my mom. well, it seems that she has no time for anything in her life right now unless it directly benefits mike or her. this is not my mom, i am not sure who this is. but i don’t need that influence any more either. i gave mike his stupid vcr that i made the dumb mistake of telling my mom i was looking at getting him for x-mas. why they are so materialistic now days i have no idea. but, such is life, i said face, and i am moving on. i love my mom, but i need more positive influences in my life right now. i am not saying that she will not support me, but she won’t have time for me if i need her, this i am sure.


i talked with my dad, kelly, ellis, and christina about my gym ideas. i am getting pretty interested in this now. i am going to start jotting ideas down now and mailing them to bill. i am also going to start saving up for the gym so that i can put more down and get some more financing for it. i really think this can change my life and put me where i want to be. i thought about it the whole ride home, amazing how an idea can take off in your head once you get into it and get excited about it. another thing i decided to do … i am going to buy candice an imac for graduation so when she goes to college she has something to start with. i think this will help her a ton, and giving is always a great thing. more on this later when i find if she is still going to college.


well, i think i have shared everything that happened this weekend and that crossed my mind. have a great one … and talk to you next time.

here i am reading my favorite forum online, yahoo bfl of course, and i read a message that someone went to the dr and were told that they should “accept that they are large, go out and buy new large clothes.” where does a dr get off destroying hope like that. dr’s are supposed to help the healing process and better ones health, not destroy ones goals and dreams. if i were there with that person i would have given that dr a piece of my mind.


everyone in this world has control over their body. they can control how much body fat and muscle their body has. through regular exercise and weight training they can reshape their bodies. too many of today’s dr’s have gotten used to treating an obese america. they are so used to it that they assume it is the norm and develop programs and diets that support it. hell, they themselves are overweight so what kind of advice can they give when they are part of that obesity statistic.


i think our medical profession, and the fda for that matter, needs to seriously reevaluate how we present, treat, and plan nutrition. for the fda to make recommendations for sedimentary individuals sets the dr’s up to support an obese society. why not raise the mark, try and promote and champion good health. we take the time to attack smoking and drugs, but dr’s ignore and support for that matter obesity. obesity kills more people each year then smoking and drugs combined.


how many people do you know that have had strokes? heart attacks? have diabetes? can’t walk up a flight of stairs without resting? hell i am/was one of those people. but i made the decision to make a change in my life. i decided to transform, hell to transcend from my old dead, overweight, ugly body to a new me. to a trimmer, fit, and healthy sean. if i can do it, anyone can, regardless of what a “dr” says. If you want, slap a “d” and an “r” in from of my name and listen to me. i will tell you to “listen to your heart”, “set goals”, and “realize your dreams”. don’t be a typical American, but instead, raise the bar and dream a new you. When you decide to do this, something miraculous will happen. your confidence will shoot up, your entire life will come into focus, and you will be happy. let this happiness propel and guide you to achieving your dream.


any dr that tells someone they cannot change their body is not only doing a disservice to that person, but to themselves. they are saying “i support obesity and embrace an unfit nation of sedimentary people.” is this the kind of dr you want. if your answer is no, then do like i would do, find another dr who is supportive of your lifestyle and the changes you want to make. find out how that Dr supports the FDA and how they go about treating obese people. is it with a shrug or with a hug? is it with a no or rejuvenating yes that they support you.


but that’s just my opinion, for what its worth …

i had a great day today. i did my cardio in the morning, hit some highs there, i think i can push it some more, i will on tuesday. i also started using my new heart monitor. it was interesting to see where my heart was at different exertion levels. it gave me a better understanding about my body, and how far i can push it. i also had a lot of success today reaching the goals that i set. i cleaned up the house, finished my book/magazine project. i threw away all my old crappy magazines. i was just carrying around these dumb things from move to move, kind of like i am carrying around all these darn pounds. well i shed those magazine, i shed my computer game boxes, i cleaned all that crap out. it felt good to get those cobwebs out of my mind and out of my life. i have no idea why i was saving those.


i also met my goal of making good food for the week. not just food, i tried some new recipes. it felt good to make something new, not just combine the same old thing. i am going to be eating really good this week. i made a brown rice, chicken, and spice dish. i made a turkey, veggies, and rice dish. i also cut up some potatoes, sprayed with pam, sprinkled spice on, and baked. nice carbs …. one of the things i have always wanted to do in life is learn how to cook. i know this is mediocre but this is a start.


tomorrow i am going to start working on my personal mission statement. i want to write down some of my goals, both short term and long term. i do the daily goals and all but this is going to be a broad overview. who sean willson is going to be in a year, in 2 years, in 3 years. what am i going to be made of …


i spent some time today chatting on the yahoo board. i also got the gumption together to email bill phillips. basically i wanted to thank him for helping me get going and i also pinged him for any jobs he might have available. i know he is creating a team of talented and inspirational individuals. i would love to be a part of that.


i know i know i just stated a new job. i am not saying that i don’t like it here. what i am saying is … i have spent time thinking recently about who i am, where i want to be, and what i want to do in the future. well i honestly don’t know if i want to be doing this coding thing in 5 years. sounds dumb … no … i consider myself a people person. i know that sometimes i have issues, everyone does. but i want to help people. i want to make a difference in peoples life. i would love fitness to be the way. hell when i succeed at this i will be a great role model for anyone who is inactive who wants to change their life. to be able to harness that and give it to others, that makes me so very excited. so, the reason i emailed him was to see if he had any openings, maybe in technology. but, i can help him and someone as inspirational as him can help me reach this goal. and maybe i can make a difference in the bfl program as well. that would be cool.


well .. it was a good day. i honestly feel like i have met some great goals, spent time on me, and have a good workout.

this is a message that i shared with a message board that i post on about bfl. i wanted to enter this into my journal as well because it was a changing point for me:


“i wanted to share something with you all. yesterday i picked up the bfl book on cd, read by bill, with cut ins by all the winners telling their stories. i started listening to this today while i was in the car. i have to say that hearing the cd helped a lot more then reading the book. i do not know why but it did. it hit home … i started thinking more then i did after reading the book.


i started noticing the changes in me that i have made these past 3 weeks. not just physical changes, i am talking about mental ones as well. i now set goals for myself, i am more even tempered, and i have a ton of energy. i know a lot of you don’t know me. But at all my last jobs and other things i have done in life i had a small temper. no, i did not blow up out of no where, but when some “moron” sorry .. hehe .. did something dumb i usually went off on them. i got to be known as being abrasive. anyhow, about the time i started the bfl program i also started a new job. there have been lots of changes in my life at once. i have noticed that i no longer snap, or lose temper at all. i stop and think before i say anything, i think clearer. i know what has to be done and i do it. i have been finishing projects at work so fast that they ran out of stuff for me to do.


i can only attribute these changes to this program. so, i decided to call my family and see how things are going with them. well .. i convinced my mom to get the bfl book 2 weeks ago, and asked here if she could only do one thing for me … read the book. that is all i ask. this is a woman that reads steven king books in 2 nights, she would breeze through this book in a night. well i call her, and she said she was reading it .. so i wanted to talk about what she thought of it. she got all um .. uhh .. i knew she had not read it. i was very disappointed that she lied to me. this was all i asked of her, i want her to gain focus on her life as well. i let her know that i was hurt and disappointed, but i could tell she brushed it off. so that did not go well.


so i called my brother. well he was a bit better. i tried explaining to him what future focus was and how setting goals help you honor self promises etc. he was silent the whole time … then the first thing out of his mouth … “great, my brother is getting all zen”. i was very disturbed, i tried talking to him, but i knew he just did not get what was changing in me, how i was growing. i finally convinced him to give me 2 hours to listen to the book when i come home next weekend and i wanted to talk about it. i know it could change his life.


basically the reason i am writing this is, i want to know how you all talk to people now? how do you explain to them the changes that are happening to you physically and mainly mentally? i want to share the feelings that are happening to me but i am having trouble … any help you can all give would be appreciated.


thanks all, i appreciate the help you are giving me. if any of you ever need someone to talk to about anything please email me or chat or anything. we are here to support each other in this life change.”


i think that this message sums up pretty well some of the things going on with me right now. i came to a revelation that i really am changing myself for the better. i also realized something that hit home pretty hard, i really don’t see myself doing computers for a living in 5 years. i honestly don’t think that it will sustain me mentally and it will not sustain my new spiritual self. i want to help people, i have no idea how, but i do. i have to do a lot more future focus on this, thinking of what i want to do, i have time. this is something i think i will write about in future messages. this day is a new day for me, taking this time to think today has really helped. i am going to start spending this time on my self more consistently in the future.

hello there. figured i would drop you a line. i have been doing very well. i actually felt so comfortable with my energy levels and my goals that i entered the eas challenge starting on the 1st of february. i am excited. i know that i will not win, but i want to show people what can be done when you change your style of living and change your life. i figure i will have to enter about 6 or so of these things before i can get to a weight where maybe i can compete with the likes of everyone else.


i changed things up a little as well. i am now taking phen-free on my cardio days. 2 pills 3 times a day, fairly evenly spread throughout the day. i also started taking betagen today after my lower body workout. i read a post from bill phillips that said that for optimal fat loss you should take phen-free, betagen, and myoplex, all of which i am taking now 8). i cost me a mint but in the end i think it will be well worth it. i now have all the man made items i can possibly use to make this succeed. now all that is left is for me to continue building willpower and having the confidence and the drive to keep going. i don’t see that running in short supply at all right now … i have never felt this good. except for a little light headed feeling this morning i have felt like 110%, even with being sick last week.


this last weekend i got a lot of stuff done at home. i am trying to remain active on the weekend and do stuff. not become sedimentary, i am moving around a lot, cleaning, organizing etc. i want to try and maintain an active lifestyle. that is hard for me during the week working as a computer programmer since i have to “sit” all day. makes me wonder sometimes if maybe i have the wrong career. maybe i should be in golf or something. who knows, maybe when i get my body in control i can go on tour sharing my changes with people and letting them know how they can make a difference in their life. heck, maybe i can even go work for eas, now that would be cool.


well that covers exercise and me trying to change into an active lifestyle. lets see what else … well, last night i made my measurements for the start of the challenge. all of the measurements were lower then before, so that felt good. i think it will feel even better when at week 4 of the challenge and i do it if i see even more changes. when i get below a 50” waist i am going to have a party .. hehe .. has been a while since i had a small waist. i figure with this progress i should be partying around july. wish me luck …


well i should really be getting back to work. things are kind of weird here right now. we are in at the end of a release, about to go live with the website, and i don’t quite feel part of the team. i feel like i am an after thought. i hope when the next phase of development begins that i will feel like more a part of the team.