seanwillson.com

hello journal. i thought i would write again to let you know how things are going. things are going pretty good, not great, but pretty good. not sure where to start, lets do a quick round up since last time. i went to mike’s mom’s wedding last friday. it was pretty nice and the reception was fun. i ended up doing a lot of dancing with everyone else’s dates but i still had fun. over the weekend mike and lori came over and we kind of vegged at my place. we just drank, hung out, and played cards … no huge bar fests that make us broke, just hanging out and relaxing with friends. i had another date on sunday and again on tuesday of this week with amy. more on those later … work is going great. i finished up a portion of a large project for a new client. it felt good to get some good coding done again.


i have been doing a lot of thinking about relationships as of late. after a few dates with amy, talking with christina and lori, and doing some soul searching i am closer to an answer but still not quite there. let me explain … my life is changing in huge ways every day. i am gaining more self esteem and confidence, i am reaching more and more goals that i set for myself, and i can see myself getting happier with the turn of every day. but am i at the point in my life where i feel that i can give 100% to someone in a relationship. that is what i am not sure of. right now in my life i need to give myself as much time and space as i need to not only accomplish my goals but to also increase my confidence in myself. sure i am an outgoing person and love to have fun, but when it comes to the “i am not worthy” or the “am i good enough” syndrome i am not quite that confident. i know that i want someone in my life in the future but is it to soon now. well yes and no … if that person understands the changes i am making, realizes that sometimes i may not quite be there 100% for them, and respects me for me then i would love to have them in my life. if that person is looking for “the one” or someone to be in a huge long term relationship that leads to kids and family and they are ready to get it roaring in the next year then i think they should pass me by. my goals are the most important thing in my life right now, second is my family, third career, and fourth would be them. if they are satisfied with that priority list then great, lets get to know each other. so how does amy come into this? i think she is that first person, the one who accepts me for me, the one who understands the changes i am making … but to be honest, i am worried that maybe she might want more from me sooner relationship wise then i can give. not because of my lack of desire, but more because of my lack of confidence and self esteem. anyhow, we shall see how it goes, we are getting to know each other, and we have fun together … that is all we can do now and we can take it one day at a time.


my workout is going great. i am continuing to push my limits during workouts. it feels great again, though i still can’t quite find the intensity that i want with my lower body workouts. i am going to try and find some other exercises to do for lower body, i think maybe i am overdoing the ones that i am using. i read a good article on yahoo about high intensity cardio verse low intensity. so many people don’t understand the benefits of a high intensity workout over moderate or low intensity workouts.


i have friday of this week off and i am driving to michigan tomorrow for a 4 day holiday weekend. it should be great, i am looking forward to hanging out with everyone, getting drunk, and just relaxing. i definitely need it, that’s for sure. i will write next week how the weekend went as well as the results of my last 4 weeks of fitness.


that’s all for now .. talk to you later.

i know i am writing these things a little less frequently then i used to. i have been pretty busy with my new job, working out, and getting to know amy. we have only been on 2 dates so far, but we talk basically every day either via the phone, email, or chat for the last 7 weeks or so. the last date on saturday of last week went pretty well i think. we went shopping and then pretty just vegged at my place watching movies, music videos, and talking. it was relaxing and enjoyable all at once …


lets see … what else is there to say. work is going great, i finally have a project, and an important one at that. i have been spending the time since i started getting back into the codebase and refreshing my swing and application distribution knowledge. now i actually have a project for a client so i am pretty excited, and on top of that it is a high profile one as well so all the better. our company has a web url now, though i am not sure if the site is up yet, it is at parlano.com. yes, you can guess now, the company name is parlano. it is italian for communicate/chat from what i understand. imagine 30 of the brightest, most highly motivated, outgoing, funny, and talented people you could put together into one company and you have parlano. it really is great to be working with them all again.


my workouts have been going great. i don’t think that i have written about this yet but i decided to splurge on a new piece of exercise equipment. i broke down and got a recumbent bike. now instead of waiting for the clubhouse at my apartment complex to open to do my cardio i can do it when ever i want to. things are progressing really well on my fitness program. i have lost more weight and inches and i will be updating the fitness timeline next week with the information. i used to update that ever 2 weeks and i may do that in the future but this time there is going to be a bit more time between the update. that way i am not focusing on the overall fitness goals i have instead of just the gains during that time period. i hope to have some pictures up on that page in the future as well. i think that i am going to wait another few months though so some major difference can be seen in the pictures. i pushed my workout a little bit further last night by increasing the weights across the board, it was a harder workout but it felt good. i waited a while to do it and now i realize i should have done this sooner. i plan on bumping it up a lot more often in the future.


i have been looking at getting a new car. i am not sure if it will happen any time soon but i have been investigating it. right now i want to get the new thunderbird. the only problem is, no one seems to know when the damn thing is coming out. some said the end of this year but the dealers are saying 2001 or 2002 model year. if it doesn’t come out till the 2002 model year i may just get either a ford mustang or a chevrolet corvette. i know that second one would cause a stir with the family but the car is pretty damn sweet. that and i want to get a sports car, i am young and reinventing myself, this is part of that new sean. anyhow, we shall see how it goes …


my roommate and i are going to be living like paupers these next few months due to an investment opportunity that i am getting into. i was going to ask my family at first, and i still may, but i know most of them don’t have any spare cash so i am going to wait out the first round to see how it goes and then get them into it if they are interested. basically there is this espp (employee stock purchasing program) at work that i can get divine interventures stock at the lower of their current market price or 85% of their ipo price. so say for example say they ipo at $10 and go up to $20, i can get a share for $8.50 and then in turn sell that 3 days later for $20. the only problem is that the money has to come out of each of my paychecks and not just in one lump sum. anyhow, i am going to be maxing that out asap to take complete advantage of this thing. there is a max per year and a max per check but i hope to hit both of those as fast as the paycheck gods allow. if all goes well i can earn enough from the first round to pay off all my debts and live off the rest for the second round and then it is all free and clear from there. hopefully that free and clear will get me into a condo and pay off my new car i was talking about above. if the stock performs well i will see if my family is interested, if it doesn’t then i will just do it for myself and take the 15% i can get.


well i think that is enough for now, catch you on the flip side.

when you buy a casket while planning for your death would you imagine that after you died the casket company would change the shape of the casket to be to small to hold your corpse? when you buy a car would you expect the car maker to change the make and model the day you picked it up? these are pretty unacceptable changes aren’t they? what i don’t get is how companies can use deals or services they offer to get you to buy their product and then change the terms they are offering you. why do we accept these changes in service with a shrug of “well thats business”?


i am just plain tired of it. in one weeks time my apartment stopped doing dry cleaning, they stopped accepting packages in their office for the residents, at&t changed my phone contract, the company that insures my phone changed their contract, and a magazine i subscribed to changed their service from monthly to bimonthly. what the hell gives? first of all i think its a stroke of bad luck, but is it more then that? is our economy going south? neither of those i can answer with any certainty, but i do know for sure that when companies change their service they risk the chance of losing a customer.


so why do you care? i am willing to bet that most of you take these with a shrug and nothing more. i am willing to bet that most of you continue your service with the company without commenting or requesting change? why do you do that and how can i be so certain of these “bets”?


well the why is simple, you are lazy. ouch … sorry for slapping you so hard there. or are you just angry because the comment struck home? well maybe not you exactly, but the fact of the matter is a lot of people walk through life, never questioning anything, that is until something huge jumps up and smacks them. slowly the government changes our laws on us, for example the right to bare arms. no one really cared about it until a few kids got shot in the last few years. like everyone else i was saddened greatly by these children losing their lives. but i was angry as well, no, not at the children or even the parents, i was angry at the ostriches that popped out of the ground and said “take those guns away, people have no reason to have guns in this day and age”. so who are those ostriches i am speaking of that have their head in the ground 99% of their lives. well maybe not you, because you have read this far, but look at your neighbor, your friends, your politicians. do you see it? the long neck, and the i cannot be bothered now attitude? i bet you do …


so how else might i know. well i went to the front office of my apartment complex and asked about their canceling the dry cleaning and their no longer accepting packages. the first thing out of their mouth was “well your the first to ask, we were wondering if anyone cared”. they explained that the dry cleaners were tired of coming by and not getting any dry cleaning. i can understand that one … but then they said that the package thing, well that was an “inconvenience” to them. what? i pay rent here, to much as a matter of fact. i think i am entitled to some service other then them raising my rent each year. she didn’t seem to care and said no one else seemed inconvenienced. i was pretty steamed but i held it in. i walked back to my apartment complex and on my way in i ran into 3 different residents walking out. i stopped them and asked what they thought about the change. one said she never got packages so who cared, one said she had no idea and when i mentioned the letter we all got under the door she said she threw it away, and the final person said there was nothing he could do. pretty lame ahe … i tried getting them interested in petitioning but they just couldn’t be bothered.


so what can i do about this? well i will try and get some people to help me start a petition but if those 3 are any representative of the populace in this complex i have little hope. as for the others, i called all of them and let them know of my disapproval of their changes. i signed on with them for a reason, for a service, and by them lessening the value of their service they would be losing me as a customer when my contracts were up. sounds a bit drastic? no? i don’t think so. we have to send a message to these companies, a message that we are people and want to be treated with respect. at least give us a choice of paying more or the loss of a service with money back. there are just certain things that make business sense.


but that’s just my opinion, for what its worth …

well i had a good weekend. i got off early on friday and went straight home and started cleaning. i had a date on saturday and i knew she was going to be coming by so i didn’t want to have the place trashed. i kind of let it get out of whack over the past few weeks traveling home on the weekends and leaving the cleaning up to my roomie. let’s just say it was less then clean and leave it at that. so anyhow after cleaning for 2 hours i then worked out doing my lower body workout. during the workout my right knee was bothering me on my squats so i had to stop that exercise early and move on to the next one. i think the cleaning non stop for 2 hours kind of did it in. i did quite a few squats during the cleaning while i was doing the kitchen floor and bathroom. anyhow, other then that my workouts were great all week.


on saturday i had a date with amy. we started by going to tower records and shopping for music. we then went to lunch at uno’s, had some great pizza. after that we went to see the movie “gladiator”. i thought it was a pretty good movie, lots of action, blood, and killing. a bit much for a “date movie” but still it was a good movie. after the movie we went back to my place and hung out for a while just talking a lot, looking at pictures, watching some tv and just hanging out generally. i thought the evening went well over all. i was totally myself all day which felt good. i think she may have been uncomfortable with me being as outgoing as i am. some people mistake it for rude but that is never the intent. i know she is not really that comfortable around me yet, but it was the first date so i can’t expect miracles. anyhow, i have no idea on how to read any signals let alone the ability to read woman so she is in complete control of this one. at her pace, at her discretion, if she likes me or if she doesn’t, all i ask is her to be honest with me about that. anyhow, i gave her a small kiss goodnight and the evening ended.


on sunday i had my recumbent bike delivered that i bought saturday morning after stopping off at my local fitness experience. i am so glad that i have it now so i can exercise when i want to instead of when my lazy apartment complex decides to open the club house. later in the day i went to another movie, yea yea, i know i am an addict but anyhow. i saw “where the heart is”, it was pretty good. it had a few hot women in it and it was one of those heart tugging movies.


i updated my fitness timeline today with my progress. i missed my goal by a few times this past 6 weeks but i know i will hit the ones for the next 6 weeks. i am making great progress having lost 65 pounds on the program already. reinventing myself every day and trying to inspire others around me to get more into fitness. i actually got a friend at work, enrico, into going back to the gym. not on this program, but just getting back to the gym and getting into top shape. i love it when i can make a difference. my brother and christina finished their first week on body for life last week. they were pretty damn sore after the week was through. they had days where they could hardly walk let alone go to work. but if you ask them how they felt, if they enjoyed it, or if they were going to continue on it i am certain they would reply positively. together they would probably have problems finishing the program, together they are unstoppable, this i am certain of.


that about tops it off for the weekend and since i last wrote. next time …

again i did not get this journal out as fast as i want to. i have been tied up with my new job and life in general. that and getting to know an interesting female named amy. anyhow, where to start? last weekend i went home again, mainly to help my brother start the body for life program but to also hang out with friends again. i miss my friends, i really wish that they came and saw me more in chicago, but such is life. anyhow, i had a really bad drive home. it started by someone rear-ending me at the illinois/indiana toll booth. there was no damage but i was kind of urked. then about 2 hours later at a traffic backup in michigan i accidentally hit this moron lady that was evidently blind and a pain in the ass. not only was she not letting traffic merge into our lane but she also was riding the car in front of her. anyhow, no damage again but it was still a pain. then about an hour later just outside of jackson michigan i was tooteling along with 3 other cars at 84ish and got nailed by a cop. no, they didn’t get nailed it was just me. so one ticket later and my wallet $60.00 lighter i got back on the road and continued driving. about 20 minutes later, doing the speed limit, i hear a load pop. i thought i had run over something but i didn’t see anything in my rear view mirror. well then about 5 seconds later i hear a constant load squeal, yep, you guessed it i got a flat tire. not a regular one, a complete blow out. needless to say it was a bad day, and yes, i drowned my sorrow in lot of alcohol that night, but it felt damn good.


on saturday of that weekend we all went out to the bar again and met up with my step-cousin and his fiancé. we had not seen them in forever and had never really “hung” out at all. it was cool, they should hang out with us more often, and maybe they will. so i got tanked that night as well, no i am not an alcoholic. other then once a month or so i can honestly say i never drink. i don’t go to the bars, i don’t grab a drink after work or at home, and it never really pops in my mind ever. anyhow, i consider myself a social drinker really.


sunday morning christina, myself, and kelly went to stony creek and cycled around the lake. it is about 7 miles of really nice scenery and outdoors. it was great, i loved it. kelly had a hard time but she was not used to her new bike and she forgot her inhaler. one thing i have to say about stony creek is that there were some damn fine women out there this weekend biking, blading, jogging, and walking. i can see myself spending a lot more time there this summer when i come to town. wow is all i can say.


later on sunday i went with my brother to set him up on the body for life program. he wanted to get some weights and supplements. i warned him about how much i spent but he decided to go with what i had anyhow. it is really really nice equipment but is pretty steap in pricing when starting out going from a sedentary to an active lifestyle not knowing if you are going to continue with it forever. me, i know this is my new life, him on the other hand i don’t think he knows that for sure. but being a willson of the new generation we tend to ignore cost and just go with whatever is best. thus out love affair with money … anyhow, we set him up with a really nice incline/decline bench from parabody and some adjustable dumbbells from powerblock. then we tried finding some supplements but the main store we wanted to go to was closed and gnc is a total rip off and a half so he decided to get them the next day. so a lot of money later he was set up and ready to start. both him and christina started on the body for life program this past monday. they are kicking ass and taking names now, and i know they will have great success. not only will they have more energy but their outlook on life will improve. i know they are pretty damn sore right now but after a week or two they won’t be in as much pain. going from 0 to 60 can have quite a toll on someone’s body.


this week has been going well for me. my exercising is working out great, i am weight training in the evenings and doing cardio in the morning. i am able to get to work at normal hours, around 10am on cardio days and 9am on weight training days. i am eating good, though i have been kind of forgetful on the veggies these past few weeks. so i set my new goal of remembering them and i have had them every night this week so far. gotta love the veggies … i am also pushing myself a lot more as well. i try and do 2 more of every exercise to see if i am really pushing it. if i can do 2 i try 2 more after that. i am about to reset some of my exercises to new weights and i want to know which ones to change so it is good to do this every workout. plus going till exhaustion is always good to insure that you get optimal burn.


i have been talking more with this woman names amy. we met online and chatted for about a month now and this week we started talking on the phone. 2 days, 2 conversations, and 5 hours later and things are going great. she is very talkative, as am i … plus she is intelligent and can hold the conversation instead of me feeling like i am trying to pull words out of her. it is great … we shall see how it goes. one should never assume anything …


i am looking forward to this weekend. there are a few movies it want to see, i want to go on a nice bike ride, and my free day is already scheduled. at work this week i have been having lunch with everyone jotting down things that look good and i have not had in a while. they will be consumed on my free day this weekend, that you can be sure of.


that about wraps up the last week. talk to you later …