hello journal. i thought i would write again to let you know how things are going. things are going pretty good, not great, but pretty good. not sure where to start, lets do a quick round up since last time. i went to mike’s mom’s wedding last friday. it was pretty nice and the reception was fun. i ended up doing a lot of dancing with everyone else’s dates but i still had fun. over the weekend mike and lori came over and we kind of vegged at my place. we just drank, hung out, and played cards … no huge bar fests that make us broke, just hanging out and relaxing with friends. i had another date on sunday and again on tuesday of this week with amy. more on those later … work is going great. i finished up a portion of a large project for a new client. it felt good to get some good coding done again.


i have been doing a lot of thinking about relationships as of late. after a few dates with amy, talking with christina and lori, and doing some soul searching i am closer to an answer but still not quite there. let me explain … my life is changing in huge ways every day. i am gaining more self esteem and confidence, i am reaching more and more goals that i set for myself, and i can see myself getting happier with the turn of every day. but am i at the point in my life where i feel that i can give 100% to someone in a relationship. that is what i am not sure of. right now in my life i need to give myself as much time and space as i need to not only accomplish my goals but to also increase my confidence in myself. sure i am an outgoing person and love to have fun, but when it comes to the “i am not worthy” or the “am i good enough” syndrome i am not quite that confident. i know that i want someone in my life in the future but is it to soon now. well yes and no … if that person understands the changes i am making, realizes that sometimes i may not quite be there 100% for them, and respects me for me then i would love to have them in my life. if that person is looking for “the one” or someone to be in a huge long term relationship that leads to kids and family and they are ready to get it roaring in the next year then i think they should pass me by. my goals are the most important thing in my life right now, second is my family, third career, and fourth would be them. if they are satisfied with that priority list then great, lets get to know each other. so how does amy come into this? i think she is that first person, the one who accepts me for me, the one who understands the changes i am making … but to be honest, i am worried that maybe she might want more from me sooner relationship wise then i can give. not because of my lack of desire, but more because of my lack of confidence and self esteem. anyhow, we shall see how it goes, we are getting to know each other, and we have fun together … that is all we can do now and we can take it one day at a time.


my workout is going great. i am continuing to push my limits during workouts. it feels great again, though i still can’t quite find the intensity that i want with my lower body workouts. i am going to try and find some other exercises to do for lower body, i think maybe i am overdoing the ones that i am using. i read a good article on yahoo about high intensity cardio verse low intensity. so many people don’t understand the benefits of a high intensity workout over moderate or low intensity workouts.


i have friday of this week off and i am driving to michigan tomorrow for a 4 day holiday weekend. it should be great, i am looking forward to hanging out with everyone, getting drunk, and just relaxing. i definitely need it, that’s for sure. i will write next week how the weekend went as well as the results of my last 4 weeks of fitness.


that’s all for now .. talk to you later.