seanwillson.com

this past week i had the misfortune of being slapped a few times because of a mistake of mine. what mistake might this be? i mistook modern society as one that still values the honor of the spoken word. not so long ago when a friend, family member, or coworker gave you their word you had gold. they do everything within their power to live up to that word. gone are these days of honor, instead replaced with the here and now, the instant gratification, the decade of me’ism.


so what happened to me this past week that threw me for such a loop to make this drastic hypothesis? where should i begin … lets jump back 12 months into the past. about this time in my life i was talking to my friend at work, lets call him john. he was building his own house and was going to be selling his current townhouse. after looking at the house i was interested in purchasing it from him so we entered into a verbal agreement to purchase. jump forward 6 months, about this time or a little after i was at home and spoke with some of my friends and family about coming into town to celebrate my birthday. they were all up for it so we started planning the trip, being sure to give everyone ample time to save and get ready.


over the next few months i spoke almost daily with john daily about his new house and my interest in it. i told him how i was going through the mortgage paperwork, setting up my lease to start going month to month when my lease was up till the time he finished construction, and saving cash for the down payment. i was making sure i handled my end of the deal getting everything ready for the purchase. at the same time i was talking to my family every few weeks about the trip, making sure everything was still on track and everyone was still interested. i was also trying to start planning new things to do while they were in town so they had a great time.


moving forward to the beginning of august, john is getting closer to finishing his house, he should be done around the middle of october. i’ve all but been approved for the mortgage, i’ve saved most of the money for the down payment and i have started pinging john every other day about getting the paperwork moving on the sale. he says he is talking to his lawyer and is picking up the paperwork tomorrow. i’m extremely excited to say the least … my family is looking forward to coming into town, as are mike, lori, kris, and michelle … i hope so anyhow. everything appears to be on track for the weekend before my birthday.


now that i’ve set up the stage lets fast forward to the end of the previous week. i talk with john about the paperwork again. he apologizes for forgetting about it over and over again. him and i plan on getting together tuesday evening to go over it. i talk to christina about the next weekend … they are excited and from everything she said they are going, everyone is.


on to monday, i get a call at work from my brother. out of the blue he tells me that they can’t come to chicago this weekend. they don’t have the money! … really, could have swore they had 5+ months to save it. i am very disappointed but don’t let my disappointment or anger control me. i ask why, he gives his explanation. i am speechless … totally and absolutely speechless. after months of them saying yes they were coming, after talking with them friday and they said they were coming i see no reasoning behind this news. about to cry, as i do when i am angry/disappointed i say “ok”. what else am i supposed to say. i can’t yell at them, i can’t ask questions really, it’s their life. so then he says “did mike and lori call you?” … “no” i say. “huh … they told us yesterday they called you.” … “nope”. so now he tells me that they to can’t come. now i understand their situation a bit more, their well being dried up, but i am still pretty disappointed. i ask if kris and michelle are still coming. they are as far as he knows. i cut the conversation short and hang up … staring at my desk i feel a mix of anger, disappointment, confusion and denial. i listen to them harp on me week after week about not coming home to michigan. i’ve spent the last 4 years of my life coming home almost every single 4-6 weeks. spending on average $300 every trip home, sometimes more and putting 50,000+ miles on my 2 year old car driving home. i ask them to come see me in chicago 1 or 2 time per year and they are incapable of gracing me with this request. i love them, they are my family, yet how come i still feel so betrayed and slapped in the face? they gave me their word, they said they were coming to see me, and now that trust in words was broken.


so the week sucked, and then it got worse. at work on thursday i tell john that i got approved for the mortgage. he gives my a kind of blank stare and tells me we need to talk. so a few minutes later we are in the war room at work and he starts talking. he is uncomfortable and draws out his words … and he proceeds to tell me that a “friend” of his gave his name to a appraiser friend of theirs. this “friend” called them and asked what he was selling his place for, he told them, and this “friend” proceeded to tell him he was crazy, that he could get much more. all of this happened the previous night according to john. i sit there staring at him, not saying a word. i can feel what is coming next but i’m in a state of denial. he begins to tell me how crazy he would be to not try and get more for it. how all the townhouses in itasca are going for more then what he was selling it to me for. he then says he is going to put it on the market and try to get more for it. i am blown away … again, anger … disappointment … confusion overwhelm me. i don’t let this take over my actions though … i tell him he is going to do what he is going to do, i can’t change his mind. he stares at me and then makes a half assed attempt at trying to make me feel better by saying if it doesn’t net him at least $15k more he will just sell it to me. gee, a consolation prize. whatever … i again cut this conversation short and walk out. i proceed to my desk, grab my bag, turn my computer off … i swing my bski’s desk and tell him i am “getting the fuck out of here”. as soon as i walk out the door into the hall i come a micron away from crying. i feel so destroyed and betrayed. this is something i have been planning for over 12 months. a huge step in my life … and now, i have nothing. sure i have the mortgage and the savings but all my planning is for nothing. my lease is up in a week, i have no clue about other locations, prices, neighborhoods, nothing … i again planned something important in my life on someone elses word. someone gave me their word and in my stupidity i trusted them, honored their word, and planned around it.


so i have to ask again … what happened to the honor someone bestows when they give their word? this intangible thing that is supposed to bestow a feeling of trust in the receiving party. this thing that is supposed to make the receiver move on with their life knowing they have this thing of value they can be sure that person will honor. what happened to it? why have we lost it? is a little bit of cash really king? could my family not have spent $40 in gas and $50 dollars in food coming to see me, skipping out on the mega bar partying downtown? do they really not have $100 to come see me? does john really think i am naive enough to believe this all happened overnight? does he really think $25k more will make his life all pretty and easy? i don’t understand this insane world … what do we have now days if we have no honor in words? i’ll tell you what, we have chaos … no ones word can be trusted … no one … sounds drastic right? yes and no … yes, some people still can be trusted and it’s not like i hate my family and won’t trust them ever again. it’s more like i am wounded right now … and it is going to take a long while before i am going to listen to anyone, yes anyone’s word. it is going to be a long time before i go home again, likely around xmas. i also don’t think i will every really talk to john again outside or work related things. at this moment i could care less about anything he has to say to me. at this point in my life the only person who has honored their every word is amy. other then from her, as far as i am concerned, there is no longer honor in the spoken word.

well another month has passed since i last wrote. i think i am going to try and write more, but i really am not that fond of this old site any more and i haven’t made much more progress on the new design. fortunately i have been working, exercising, and spending time with my woman and haven’t had the time to really put into it. maybe this sunday, who knows. anyhow, i will try and make a conscious decision to write more often.


i have been reading the one fat man web site lately, yes that’s the name of it so don’t get all mad at me. he has a daily journal he updates, weekly weigh in’s, and has some pretty good content, though some of it is out of date. he has kind of inspired me as of late with his common sense writing and thoughts. i have been making some changes in my workouts lately. i have been reading the lance armstrong performance program: seven weeks to the perfect ride. it started before this, but reading this book has increased my desire to ride my bike more. i am riding about 60 or so miles a week now. i want to add more, but time doesn’t always permit it. i have not been doing as much weight training as before as a result. which is fine, as i was getting kind of burnt out doing weights all the time worrying if i was going to get the workout in and dreading doing them. now i am riding my bike about 4 days per week and trying to get in 2 sessions of weights, one lower and one upper body. i have been getting rid of coffee as well, i used to drink 2 coffee’s per day and usually had a low fat muffin with those coffees as well. don’t ask how, but it became a routine that a bunch of us at work started doing every morning and afternoon. well i am now down to a coffee on mondays, tuesday, and saturdays (my free’ish day). still with a muffin, but i am counting it as a meal and eating less in my other meals on those days. my goal is zero coffee except maybe on my free day starting next week.


let’s see what else am i doing, i am trying, starting last night, to cook more again. i was eating a lot of cottage cheese, eggs, and chicken breasts. not much other then that really. i know, bland diet ahe, well at least my stomach didn’t explode (except maybe from the coffee). anyhow, last night i made some organic pasta and mixed it with canola oil, oregano, garlic, and mixed spices. on top of it i threw on a chicken breast … and it tasted great. i made enough for about 5 meals so i’ll be eating like a king this week. i am thinking of changing my meals a bit and eating 5 meals per day instead of 6, not sure how that is going to work out. my goal, since i am doing a bit less weights is to decrease my caloric intake some in order to counter this change. i am starting that next week after i work some of the kinks out since that is also the end of coffee. wish me luck on these changes …


i was approached by a lady at work last week about entering the body for life challenge. she wanted to enter it with a partner and since i had competed before she thought maybe i could help her and motivate her. i am all for helping people, but i first want to know i am not going to be wasting my time. so i basically told her yes, but first i would have to know she was serious. she would have to start next week eating right, exercising, and the whole nine yards. she seemed ok with that, that was until i mentioned that she couldn’t drink except on her free day and even that it was bad. i also told her she should also get support from her significant other to do this, otherwise she was likely setting herself up for failure. she still said she was interested but i could see this look in her eye like she was going to try and get around it or she thought she couldn’t do it. it was funny, when i told her she could drink she got all excited (because she asked about alcohol). then i explained about the free day and she gave me this look and said … “you mean i can only drink on my free day?”. yes … hehehhe … what did you think alcohol was zero calories or something. anyhow, she said she was going to give it a go and i’ll see how she does. i hope she does it and wish her the best of luck … people often surprise themselves when they achieve goals.


i saw dave schonberg yesterday, he came into the office. he is an ex-parlano employee that i haven’t seen in about 3-4 months. when he left he was starting the body for life program. i would occasionally get chat messages from him asking me questions about the program, weight training etc … anyhow he was in the office yesterday and he looked like a changed man. i swear he dropped about 70 pounds, he was smiling from ear to ear, and he was still on the program. i was totally impressed and motivated … i had not heard from him in a while and was wondering how he was doing. i had heard from friends that he was working out still etc but i had not seen him. needless to say he is a success story for sure.


amy and i are doing great. we went on vacation 2 weekends ago. it was a surprise vacation. she knew we were going somewhere but i would not tell her where. i was keeping her in the dark and leading her to think we were going to camp or be outdoors with no shower etc. i would ask her stuff like what she was scared of, if she liked snakes etc … it was really throwing her off and you could tell she was worried but like a good sport she went along with it, trusting me. well needless to say it wasn’t roughing it in the least. i ended up taking her to saugatuck where we ended up staying at the beechwood manor bed and breakfast. saugatuck is a small artist town in western michigan. there are tons of artsy shops, boats, lake michigan, restaurants etc. it has a small town romantic feel to it. we ended up spending the whole weekend relaxing together on the beach, walking the shops, listening to music, eating, and enjoying each others company and our first “vacation” together. it was really romantic and i had a great time, she did as well. i highly recommend it for anyone interested in getting away.


i’ve been mountain biking with tony lately. we’ve went 3 times since i last wrote and amy went once as well. we’ve been going to the john muir trails and last weekend we went to the palos trails. it has been great, yet hot. getting out there in nature sweating and really pushing my body has felt great. i can’t get enough of it and look forward to every ride. i can see myself getting better each time i go, climbing better, cornering better etc. this last time out i went over the handlebars but i wasn’t hurt, i always wear a helmet. i got right up, made sure i was ok, rested a second but got right back in the saddle and went for it. i have a few bruises and a sore shoulder because of it but i really enjoyed it and want to go back. i also want to help amy get a better bike. i know she likes biking with me, but her bike really isn’t suited for these trails. once we get her a better bike i think she’s gonna be blowing past me … at least i hope anyhow … heheheh.


i haven’t been home since early last month. i have been busy with a million other things. i am planning on going home in 2 weekends, then my family is coming in town the following weekend, and then 2 weeks after that we have a wedding in michigan to go to. i have a really busy calendar coming up. to top it all off i have to start packing. it is getting closer and closer and looks like i am going to be buying john’s townhouse. the numbers are working out, i can afford it on my own, and the bank is willing to loan me a ton of cash … how nice of them. anyhow, we are shooting for the end of october as a move date. rob is moving out at the end of this month so i’ll be using his room as a “pre move” staging area of sorts. cross your fingers that everything works out … it’s looking good right now.


i’ve talked to my brother a few times since my last visit. i guess they are all readdicted to everquest. i guess mike, lori, ellis, and christina are all playing now. christina never played before, and honestly i never thought she would. but she finally gave in and figured since if she couldn’t beat em she would join em. well now they’re all addicts … very scarey. it’s still summer guys!!!! get outside, do stuff while you still can. you know … walk, bike, swim etc … that or maybe go to sleep early and get up early and do other stuff. i really love them and can totally understand some of their habits working in the afternoons and all. but during the summer it just doesn’t make sense, there is just to much to do that is better then sitting in front of a computer till 5am and then sleeping the morning away and going right into work. in the winter fine, it’s cold and wet … but in the summer, come on. stop the insanity!!! step away from the ogre and high elf and get onto your bike … hehehhe.


well i should be getting back to work now … hope to write soon. till then, ttfn.