this past week i had the misfortune of being slapped a few times because of a mistake of mine. what mistake might this be? i mistook modern society as one that still values the honor of the spoken word. not so long ago when a friend, family member, or coworker gave you their word you had gold. they do everything within their power to live up to that word. gone are these days of honor, instead replaced with the here and now, the instant gratification, the decade of me’ism.


so what happened to me this past week that threw me for such a loop to make this drastic hypothesis? where should i begin … lets jump back 12 months into the past. about this time in my life i was talking to my friend at work, lets call him john. he was building his own house and was going to be selling his current townhouse. after looking at the house i was interested in purchasing it from him so we entered into a verbal agreement to purchase. jump forward 6 months, about this time or a little after i was at home and spoke with some of my friends and family about coming into town to celebrate my birthday. they were all up for it so we started planning the trip, being sure to give everyone ample time to save and get ready.


over the next few months i spoke almost daily with john daily about his new house and my interest in it. i told him how i was going through the mortgage paperwork, setting up my lease to start going month to month when my lease was up till the time he finished construction, and saving cash for the down payment. i was making sure i handled my end of the deal getting everything ready for the purchase. at the same time i was talking to my family every few weeks about the trip, making sure everything was still on track and everyone was still interested. i was also trying to start planning new things to do while they were in town so they had a great time.


moving forward to the beginning of august, john is getting closer to finishing his house, he should be done around the middle of october. i’ve all but been approved for the mortgage, i’ve saved most of the money for the down payment and i have started pinging john every other day about getting the paperwork moving on the sale. he says he is talking to his lawyer and is picking up the paperwork tomorrow. i’m extremely excited to say the least … my family is looking forward to coming into town, as are mike, lori, kris, and michelle … i hope so anyhow. everything appears to be on track for the weekend before my birthday.


now that i’ve set up the stage lets fast forward to the end of the previous week. i talk with john about the paperwork again. he apologizes for forgetting about it over and over again. him and i plan on getting together tuesday evening to go over it. i talk to christina about the next weekend … they are excited and from everything she said they are going, everyone is.


on to monday, i get a call at work from my brother. out of the blue he tells me that they can’t come to chicago this weekend. they don’t have the money! … really, could have swore they had 5+ months to save it. i am very disappointed but don’t let my disappointment or anger control me. i ask why, he gives his explanation. i am speechless … totally and absolutely speechless. after months of them saying yes they were coming, after talking with them friday and they said they were coming i see no reasoning behind this news. about to cry, as i do when i am angry/disappointed i say “ok”. what else am i supposed to say. i can’t yell at them, i can’t ask questions really, it’s their life. so then he says “did mike and lori call you?” … “no” i say. “huh … they told us yesterday they called you.” … “nope”. so now he tells me that they to can’t come. now i understand their situation a bit more, their well being dried up, but i am still pretty disappointed. i ask if kris and michelle are still coming. they are as far as he knows. i cut the conversation short and hang up … staring at my desk i feel a mix of anger, disappointment, confusion and denial. i listen to them harp on me week after week about not coming home to michigan. i’ve spent the last 4 years of my life coming home almost every single 4-6 weeks. spending on average $300 every trip home, sometimes more and putting 50,000+ miles on my 2 year old car driving home. i ask them to come see me in chicago 1 or 2 time per year and they are incapable of gracing me with this request. i love them, they are my family, yet how come i still feel so betrayed and slapped in the face? they gave me their word, they said they were coming to see me, and now that trust in words was broken.


so the week sucked, and then it got worse. at work on thursday i tell john that i got approved for the mortgage. he gives my a kind of blank stare and tells me we need to talk. so a few minutes later we are in the war room at work and he starts talking. he is uncomfortable and draws out his words … and he proceeds to tell me that a “friend” of his gave his name to a appraiser friend of theirs. this “friend” called them and asked what he was selling his place for, he told them, and this “friend” proceeded to tell him he was crazy, that he could get much more. all of this happened the previous night according to john. i sit there staring at him, not saying a word. i can feel what is coming next but i’m in a state of denial. he begins to tell me how crazy he would be to not try and get more for it. how all the townhouses in itasca are going for more then what he was selling it to me for. he then says he is going to put it on the market and try to get more for it. i am blown away … again, anger … disappointment … confusion overwhelm me. i don’t let this take over my actions though … i tell him he is going to do what he is going to do, i can’t change his mind. he stares at me and then makes a half assed attempt at trying to make me feel better by saying if it doesn’t net him at least $15k more he will just sell it to me. gee, a consolation prize. whatever … i again cut this conversation short and walk out. i proceed to my desk, grab my bag, turn my computer off … i swing my bski’s desk and tell him i am “getting the fuck out of here”. as soon as i walk out the door into the hall i come a micron away from crying. i feel so destroyed and betrayed. this is something i have been planning for over 12 months. a huge step in my life … and now, i have nothing. sure i have the mortgage and the savings but all my planning is for nothing. my lease is up in a week, i have no clue about other locations, prices, neighborhoods, nothing … i again planned something important in my life on someone elses word. someone gave me their word and in my stupidity i trusted them, honored their word, and planned around it.


so i have to ask again … what happened to the honor someone bestows when they give their word? this intangible thing that is supposed to bestow a feeling of trust in the receiving party. this thing that is supposed to make the receiver move on with their life knowing they have this thing of value they can be sure that person will honor. what happened to it? why have we lost it? is a little bit of cash really king? could my family not have spent $40 in gas and $50 dollars in food coming to see me, skipping out on the mega bar partying downtown? do they really not have $100 to come see me? does john really think i am naive enough to believe this all happened overnight? does he really think $25k more will make his life all pretty and easy? i don’t understand this insane world … what do we have now days if we have no honor in words? i’ll tell you what, we have chaos … no ones word can be trusted … no one … sounds drastic right? yes and no … yes, some people still can be trusted and it’s not like i hate my family and won’t trust them ever again. it’s more like i am wounded right now … and it is going to take a long while before i am going to listen to anyone, yes anyone’s word. it is going to be a long time before i go home again, likely around xmas. i also don’t think i will every really talk to john again outside or work related things. at this moment i could care less about anything he has to say to me. at this point in my life the only person who has honored their every word is amy. other then from her, as far as i am concerned, there is no longer honor in the spoken word.